I recently came across some memories of having committed suicide in another lifetime. These are the feelings and realisations which hit me after I had killed my body.
At the moment I left my body because I had committed suicide, I realised that I had made a terrible mistake. I could now see that there was a relatively easy solution to the problem which caused me to kill my body. A few more steps or a different approach would have sorted the problem out. I just needed to be a bit more creative in looking for a solution.
I also realised that I had now cut my relationships with the people who loved me. I was now in a different world to them. I had removed myself from them and would not be in their circle. I would no longer be their friend as their focus was on their being in the outer life. I had to deal with my issues in this new inner world which I had so suddenly moved into.
There was also the knowledge that I had thrown away the gift of life. From this perspective I could see that I was given my life so I could deal with a number of issues I had with myself and other people who were in my life. Life had organised my destiny so I would meet these people during that life but now that opportunity was lost. It might take many lifetimes to meet them all again.
I don't remember the circumstances of how I died but I do remember the terrible feeling of loss and the realisation of the major mistake I'd just made.
could I have avoided this mistake?
One part of me says I needed to have the experience, even if it was just to be able to tell you about it in this article so that you could have some insight into what happens when one commits suicide. However I still feel deeply that it was a serious mistake.
I could have avoided it by being more patient, not getting frustrated with the situation so easily.
I could have been more creative in
looking for a solution. I suspect there were some choices I didn't
like but would have worked out fine had I given them a chance.
The problem that drove me to suicide seemed like a huge issue to me but with this view from my inner worlds I could see that it was a small or insignificant issue to everyone else. I had focused too much on the issue which made it appear to be the main thing in my life. If I had moved my attention away from the thing that was causing me so much pain, I would probably have been able to live with it and eventually find a solution to it.
Is there a way to get this viewpoint without committing suicide? Yes there is.
The main reason I got these insights is because I contemplate regularly. I visit my inner worlds every day so that I can get insights into what is happening in my life. It was during a contemplation that I recalled these suicide memories.
For me, my contemplation exercises are an essential part of my day. If I'm under time pressure and have to make a choice of having breakfast or doing my contemplation, I'll skip breakfast and spend the time I have in contemplation. I know I can grab some food at some stage during the day and I also know that if I don't take the opportunity to do my spiritual exercise early in the day, it will be difficult to find time later.
I start my contemplation by sitting in a comfortable position, with my back straight. I take a few deep breaths and relax. Then I'll sing the word HU, pronounced like “hue”. This is an ancient name for the Divine or the Higher Power. I'll sing it about six times in a row on a long outgoing breath. I'll be quiet for a while and then start singing HU again.
In the quiet times I’ll listen for sounds within myself and also look for lights on my inner screen. Sometimes the sounds and lights combine to form a scene and I drift into it. I have a note book and small sketch pad beside me while I'd doing the contemplation because I've found that I get some great insights, good ideas and inspiration while contemplating. I spend about twenty minutes or so doing this each morning.
Our own happiness
If I had had this connection with my inner self in that life where I committed suicide, I'm pretty sure I would have found a way to sort out my problems. A regular connection with our inner worlds helps us stay sane and move our focus away from our outer life. We are able to see there is more to life than all the outer, physical and materialistic stuff. We get some insights into life and why it is the way it is and how we can make it easier and happier for ourselves. Our own happiness reflects out to those around us and raises them up a little too.
Wishing you love and insights in every day of your life.